Married Guys Told Me: What Matters Most in Marriage

If you had to list out the 5 most important things in marriage, what would you say?  Would it interest you to hear what other people would say?

That’s a question I asked myself a few months back and decide to also ask a few people I trust.

It’s interesting what happens when you ask different people what they think about a particular issue.  The responses you get are very telling (in case you doubt me just ask a few different people what they think about Donald Trump).  In the midst of feedback from questions you can learn some intriguing things that give you perspectives that you may not have otherwise have considered.

So as I stated, I recently asked some different guys that I respect about the most important things that make up a ‘Biblical’ marriage.  Now, I understand how subjective a question like that could be, but I wanted to leave it somewhat open ended to allow for some free-thinking and genuineness.  I asked Pastors, missionaries, businessmen and people from other walks of life.  Their ages ranged from the 20’s to the 50’s.  Some of the answers I got were short and direct; other responses were more wordy and pensive.  But there were silver linings in the responses of all the guys.  It really came down to 5 things.  So I compiled their answers and I share them with you now, along with some Scripture that would ‘back up’ what the principle states.  Where needed, I have provided clarification based on the multiplicity of answers I received:


  1. Love for the Lord (Matthew 22:37-38, Ephesians 5:26)
    This should be seen personally (exhibited in our trust of God, integrity, patience, forgiveness, transparency) and corporately (talk about our devotions; prayer together, doing ministry together)
  2. Love for Each Other (Ephesians 5:25)
    Are we actively looking to decrease self and elevate each other? Is there mutual respect?  Are we relaxing on the minor things and pursuing grace on the major things?
  3. Relational Priority (Proverbs 5:18)
    This would be seen in godly communication, friendship, generosity, constant pursuit and humor.
  4. Godly Mentorship (Titus 2:2-3)
    Is there an older, godly couple in our lives that we can emulate?
  5. Living Our Life Purpose (2 Timothy 3:10)
    Are we living out God’s intended purpose for us?  What can we do as a couple to better fulfill our purpose?


These are 5 interesting principles, aren’t they?  You can see how pursuing these 5 things could make any marriage stronger and exist with greater focus.

In fact, a couple could take these 5 things and write out some simple 12-month goals.  Some of these could be worked on privately (such as #1) but possibly the others could be discussed as a couple.

What about you?  Can you think of other things that were not discussed here?  What else would you add? (Please post some thoughts in the comments below).

2 Comments on “Married Guys Told Me: What Matters Most in Marriage”

  1. Scott, great input. I would add one thing that would definitely make my top five list. Your #5 kindof fits, but in our family living an externally focused life is vital. What I mean is serving others and living on mission. Mission has become central in my understanding of God and flows through every fiber of life. My marriage is good on it’s own when we love God and each other. But I only think we do that well when our love for God is expressed outwardly.

    Your #4 hits on the input we all need, but it’s at least as important that we’re making disciples, or living on mission. For us, that starts at home and extends wherever God has placed us.

    Love you bro! You’ve been a great example for me since 1999! Keep it up!

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