You’ve probably been there (or you soon will be) – you meet someone nice and soon you are asked to spend some special time together (aka A ‘DATE’). Instead of allowing this to be a stressed-out venture – allow your first date to be meaningful and memorable, in a way that honors your principles and gets you home without guilt and regret.
First of all – to see some expanded thinking on thinking differently about the whole dating experience, see my blog post here. After you’ve read that, think about the following before your big night, day, picnic, whatever….
1) GO FAR in Your Pre-Date Plan. Dates can be carefree and fun but can also be an important opportunity to begin a meaningful friendship. So be strategic (Proverbs 20:18). If your desire is to communicate with someone effectively, the movie theatre probably isn’t the best place to accomplish that. Location, time together, the potential for interruptions are all important considerations.
2) GO FAR in Deliberate Actions During. You’re an important part of the date – you can’t be a passive bystander – you have to take the initiative to be purposefully communicative. And, you can’t just base your decisions on whether or not you had ‘fun’ – that’s a fairly superficial level of depth. So, what are things (even if they’re simple) that you would like to know in order to determine if this ‘friendship’ should continue to grow? What questions would you need to ask to know their life philosophy, their commitment, their goals?
3) GO FAR in Your Purity At the End. If you don’t have physical standards when it comes to your dating, then you need some – because if you don’t, you’ll end up making stupid decisions. And be specific – the more specific, the better. If you don’t want the physical relationship to escalate, then it may be better to not even start (because from a physiological perspective – once you get the engine revving, it’s hard to slam on the brakes). Suggestion: honor your parents or someone you respect by asking them their opinion on how far you should go before marriage. A great passage from the Bible that lays out these principles clearly is 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8.
4) GO FAR in your Communication Following. If you ARE interested in date #2 – then be clear in your communication: don’t play ‘hard to get’ or similar games. Be truthful (Eph.4:25): “I had a great time with you last time we were out, sure, I’d love to go out again.”
If you’re NOT interested in date 2, then also be clear about it. Don’t beat around the bush or come up with excuses for why you can’t go out again (aka ‘lying’). Be clear yet loving: “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t be interested in going out with you again because _____________________ (you’re not my type…I don’t think we’re interested in the same things…etc).”
What are some things you’ve done to make date one memorable? What other suggestions would you have?
Scott is the Executive Pastor of Fellowship Bible Church in Mullica Hill, N.J. He and his wife Rachel are raising four boys and have served in both para-church and local church ministry.