You’ve been there: 3-4 hours after the initial catching up is over about the kids, the weather, and what’s going to be served at the Christmas meal, conversations start to drift into other things that can get people more, um…excited (it’s inevitable if you’re going to have any conversational depth past Grandma’s gravy).
But based on your past family experiences, maybe these deeper conversations have typically become more intense or moved into an outright battle. Ready to sign up for more of that this Christmas? No, I didn’t think so. So, what’s a person to do when the conversation drifts towards things like government, global warming, and guns? Try putting these 10 conversation principles into practice:
Listen attentively before responding.
Proverbs 18:13, “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.”
Yes, oftentimes when we are talking instead of listening, our foot will be going into our mouths. Instead, practice listening to people and genuinely seek to understand what is being said.
Speak kindly and offer healing words.
Proverbs 16:24, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
Words can be destructive, but also highly constructive! The right words said at the right time can be transformative. Leave your family vacation giving people the opportunity to say to themselves: “Her words…they were so helpful. I’m so encouraged.”
Respond gently when expressing your thoughts.
Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
You will get a lot more conversational return on investment if you use gentle vs. inflammatory words. Was it worth winning the argument but in the process destroying your Christmas?
Exercise caution in speech to avoid unnecessary conflicts.
Proverbs 21:23, “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”
Even when you must speak up, there are ways to say what needs to be said without nuclear options. Maybe choose more round words than square words.
Choose your words wisely to bring healing and reconciliation.
Proverbs 12:18, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Your words can have a big impact on your family. They can bring healing and help. God has you there for a reason, reasons greater than we even realize. Leverage that for His glory by allowing God to use your words to achieve his purposes – not yours.
Communicate truth and love in your responses.
Proverbs 24:26, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”
You do your family no favors by intentionally hiding firmly held beliefs. So be honest, but without abandoning all the other truths listed in this post (especially #1 and 2).
Exercise self-control in speech and avoid stirring up conflicts.
Proverbs 26:20, “Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down.”
When it comes to conversational intensity – it takes two to tango. Want something to immediately chill? Stop adding fuel to that conversational fire.
Choose patience and understanding over assuming the worst.
Proverbs 19:11, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”
Sometimes things come out, that if we had the opportunity, we’d rephrase it or say it with a little less gusto. You’ve been there and needed people to be gracious to you. Practice that with others over the holidays.
Embrace patience and grace by overlooking minor grievances.
Proverbs 19:11, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”
Did someone say something ridiculous that likely doesn’t need to be prosecuted by the family attorney? Then overlook it. Like, genuinely let it go and refuse to hold it.
Sometimes, you should stop talking.
Proverbs 17:28, “Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.”
Occasionally, it’s best to keep your mouth closed. The above verse says it’s a sign of wisdom. Want to see the unwise person in the room? They can’t keep their mouth shut (I should rephrase that based on the nature of this post: “They tend to speak frequently without restraint.” Applying what I’ve written!)
Conclusion
Some of these will be more meaningful to you than others. If you had to pick the top one or two that would have the greatest impact on your communication this Christmas, what would that be? Take some time to think about that/pray about that, and in the next few days, let’s put them into practice.
One Comment on “Unwrapping Harmony: Navigating Family Chats this Christmas”
Thx brother for these encouraging words of wisdom ,especially at this time of the year when we can quickly lose our focus. Ja. 3:17. Merry Christmas bro to you and your family, hoping and praying all is well.