Well, guys, you are finally at the point in life where you are starting to think about dating girls. You’ve come a long way from thinking girls were gross to now thinking about spending more time with them. Which now begs the question, “Who is the girl you’ll want to date?”
For all the things that have been negatively written about dating (and maybe rightfully so), there are a few things that dating can be especially helpful for. Dating can help us better understand ourselves and the areas we need to grow in. Dating can help us get to know other people well and what makes them tick. And, as we look forward to the possibility of marriage (if that is God’s will for us), dating can help prepare us. So, the choices we make in our dating do lay the groundwork for the future. If you make horrible dating decisions, there’s no reason to believe your pick for a future spouse is going to be any different.
So, we need to make good dating decisions.
Guys, when you’re thinking about the characteristics of the girl that will one day make a great spouse, here are some things to consider (this is not an exhaustive list – just something to get the conversation started):
A Heart for the Lord
The girl you’ll want to date should have a genuine heart for the Lord. Not the Christian religion. Not church attendance. A genuine relationship with Christ. This is the most important characteristic because it speaks to the DNA of the individual. You can talk a lot about religious things. You can be a church attendee. But nothing can substitute for a genuine heart for the Lord. This can be seen in how often the Lord is discussed, in how the Word is honored, and in the genuine desires of life. The Proverbial wife is commended in many areas of life, but the greatest commendation was her fear of the Lord (read Proverbs 31:30). When God chose a young woman to give birth to Jesus, He carefully selected Mary; not because of her popularity, but because of her heart for the Lord (read Luke 1:28).
Submissiveness to Authority
This may be the second most important characteristic of the Christian young lady. She should have a heart that is not bent on self-will but God-will, a heart that is eager to obey Mom and Dad even when it’s hard to do so. Ephesians 6:1,2 talks about children obeying and respecting parents, and this is something that can be easily recognized. In general, how one responds to authority says so much about a person, and it’s the same for young ladies. A young lady does not need to be perfect in this area, however, does the direction of her life point towards responsiveness to those over her? When Mary heard that she had been given the special assignment of giving birth to Jesus, she did it with a willing heart:
“Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; be it done to me according to your will.” (Luke 1:38).
Service
The girl you’ll want to date should realize that Christianity is not a spectator sport – it’s about getting out on the field and using your life to serve God. Faith that is kept inside isn’t really faith at all. Faith is stepping out in faith and allowing God to use you. This doesn’t have to be through an extravagant missions trip. It can be seen in your willingness to help before or after youth group, or in going out of your way to meet a new student that has come to the youth group. Service for the Lord can easily be seen in how we treat other people. A young lady should be using her life to serve others and help their needs. James says this is a true sign of spiritual maturity (James 2:15-17).
A Concern with the Right Beauty
1 Peter 3:4 talks about true beauty in a woman. And based on what the Bible says, her beauty is not primarily seen in her hair or her clothing; it’s seen in her heart. There are women who possess a sweet, kind, gentle spirit, and this is considered “precious in the sight of God”. This doesn’t mean young ladies can’t look pretty or wear nice clothes. It doesn’t mean they can’t be excited or love to laugh and have fun. It means that they are primarily concerned with cultivating the beauty of their character.
Young ladies should be primarily concerned with cultivating the beauty of their character.
It can be very tempting for guys to focus primarily on what can be seen – God tells us not to do that. We’re to get to know a girl to the point where we can begin to see her heart. That heart that is tender and gracious is very precious to God, and one day it will be very precious to her husband.
So how about it guys? Hopefully, now you’re starting to think more carefully about the girl you’ll want to date. You can make dating decisions like most guys you know – or can you make good, God-honoring dating decisions that set you up for a wise walk in the future. You’ve only got one chance in life to do your dating years right, in a way that honors the Lord.
Don’t know any ladies that fit these characteristics? Relax. If God wants you married, He will eventually lead you to the right person. Don’t believe me? Then read Proverbs 3:5.6.
Ladies that are reading this, check out what I wrote earlier about the kind of guy you’ll want to date. That can be read here.